My experiences of bereavement came from having no grandfathers and being aware of the loss for my parents. I was born in the middle of them grieving their losses. My grandmothers were widows and lived with their loss.

My mother developed cancer and was in treatment for two years before she died. I was young, but luckily in a secure relationship and had left home. What I wasn’t expecting was the impact of bereavement and how I would feel. I distinctly remember feeling I had ‘gone mad’ about three months post her death and I eventually said this out loud. When I look back, I often ask why had no one suggested to me about bereavement counselling?

I was needing support and I didn’t know what it was that I needed or where I would get it from. I needed to be heard; about our past relationship, my loss of a strong-minded mother, the fracture of our relationship as I was growing up and how would I navigate my life without her? I had lost her just as we were formulating our adult relationship.

Loss through bereavement can also cause breakdowns of other family relationships, which I was not expecting.

Another impactful loss was that of a pregnancy. This time the pain was physical as well as mental and there was a lot of maternal guilt. I remember feeling very isolated, lonely and fearful to leave the house. I became overprotective of my son and had to navigate my partner’s loss too.

I saw an advert for training with Cruse Bereavement Care and following their rigorous and in-depth training, I began volunteering for Cruse Bereavement in 2014. I knew that I didn’t want anyone to ever go through bereavement or loss without support. I know that support, at any stage of bereavement, can be life changing for the person grieving.